Kirstielou D’Raven

Once again I find myself in the winter of my discontent. Only this time, I have company..

Hallowe’en is one of those times of year that you either love or hate – I personally love it, not for its over Americanised trick or treat tradition, its Pagan roots or its rich Celtic history – not even for the rehashed and repeated horrorfest of blood spattered and gore infested pap served up on TV, but because Im lucky enough to be able to get the chance to rip the piss out of the barmpots who call into the radio phone in which we have been taking part for the last two years on Hallam, Viking and Aire FMs ‘Confessional’ Show with Ian and Vix.

Hallowe’en is a pretty dire time for serious paranormal investigators. The press misrepresenting and twisting your comments regarding local phenomena, and you can barely step out of the front door without tripping over some no mark paranormal tourism company, hell bent on relieving the unsuspecting public of their hard earned in return for ‘Pay-Per-Boo’  ‘Vigils’ in ‘Haunted’ locations…

This year however, I was lucky. The press have been quite happy to print mine and UPIAs comments very faithfully, and as I mentioned before Ian and Vix know not to expect any woo-woo from us, and quite like the fact that we offer the rational side of paranormal investigation. Unfortunately that hasnt been the case for some of the other, more influential outlets. I am talking of course about Most Haunted Live.

I cant watch it – Ive tried. I seem to suffer some kind of allergic reaction characterised by a shocked pallor, uncontrollable arm movements, Tourrettes like symptoms and an overwhelming feeling of sickness at the mere thought of watching it, but millions still do, and millions are still being mislead that this is actually what paranormal investigation is all about.

I have however tried to keep abreast of what they have been up to down in Denbighshire, partly because Im a nosey cow, and partly because one of the first texts that came into Hallam Fm on the 30th was asking if the person, someone called Tracey I believe, who had just appeared on MHL claiming to be the leader of UPIA North Wales was in any way associated with UPIA.

The resounding answer (which I actually managed without swearing live across the UK airwaves) was of course ‘Is she heck as like!! UPIA are a serious investigation and reasearch group, not a mockery of a sham of an untruth!!’

This little incident did however draw my attention to some of the other reports of the shenanigans going down in deepest Wales, and for once, instead of being amused and slightly pissed off by the inane rambling of mediums, unproductive investigation technique and downright pisspoor acting skills of the crew and cast, I found myself deeply disturbed and horrified.

Firstly, the fact that the whole week long debacle had been subtitled ‘Village of the Damned’ cant have done anything for the areas street cred. Apparently it refers to the dubious, and probably unproven legend that witches practiced satanism in the area and it is now cursed. Three points should be made here:

1. Witches? by witches do we mean the people who were persecuted and executed as witches during the Witchtrials, when anyone who was classed as an ousider, was old, deformed, ugly, had a cat, a wart or a basic knowledge of the medicinal properties of herbs or refused to give up their beliefs in the ‘old religion’ was prime target for a quick prod and torture session?

2. Witches that practise Satanism? Surely witches practice Witchcraft? You know – like Pagans practice Paganism, Christians practice Christianity? Satanists practice Satanism?

3. One of the most important facts you find when studying any area of the Occult or Magic is just how difficult it is to find real information. Theres a reason for this. Its Secret. Theres also a reason why its secret. The Church doesnt approve. Thus, anyone who knows anything about the occult, Satanism, Magic etc also knows that if any form of practice, celebration or whatever had been performed in that area then nobody would know about it. Ever.

4. Curses. I like curses, they are interesting, but then Im interested in psychology as a whole. The interesting thing about curses is they only work if you believe in them. Thats because its a psychological thing. If you can make a person believe they are going to die, certain physiological factors come into play which could actually cause death – but only if the person BELIEVES. Now, lets apply this to a place as opposed to a person… err.. doesnt work, does it? The pace cant believe in the curse, the place is not a sentient being.

So, since we have that out of the way, and discovered that logically theres really no reason to believe that any activity of a paranormal nature is likely to occur there – or from what I can gather has even been reported there, at least not that could be associated with any occult practices, what next?

Ah yes, the Asylum..

Its a sad fact that in this day and age people do still fear mental illness – for obvious reasons, of course, we wouldnt want it to happen to ourselves or our loved ones, much in the same way we wouldnt want to be afflicted with cancer, pain or even an ingrowing toenail. What I find even sadder is the stigma which is still attached to psychiatric patients and their families. The ignorant attitude of some individuals that all psychiatric patients are dangerous, and must be restrained with medication, appliances or padded cells. The Selfish and heartless attitude that mental illness is something that we should be ashamed of, that our sick, chemically imbalanced, depressed fellows should be hidden away and not spoken of… this is 2008. This is not the age of Bedlam. Victoria is no longer on the Throne.

I must admit that through the media and education, society has gradually become more tolerant, and the Victorian attitude somewhat less apparent these days. People who as little as fifty years ago would have been ushered out of the eyesight of others are now accepted freely among us – and rightly so too! Illness is nothing to be ashamed of, being different is not a crime.

So why in these enlightened times were Most Haunted allowed to show footage of people in straitjackets, in padded cells, rocking in corners? And did I not read somewhere that one of the experiments conducted featured members of the crew in similar circumstances?

Just for this one stupid, insensitive, heartless act this programme should be removed from the listings.

I read somewhere a statement from Antix productions (who make MHL) that their approach to filming the investigation at the asylum would be ’sympathetic and sensitive to the feelings of the families of patients and the patients themselves, past and present’ or words to that effect. Hmmmm… Maybe there was a typo there, maybe they meant ‘pathetic and insensitive’. Denbigh closed in 1997, I think its safe to say that there are still people who will have been offended by those scenes.

The other irrational, irrelevant and irresponsible acts included over the seven days the programme was on air are kind of pale in comparison to this, but I’ll include them anyway.

1. Invoking Satan, using the Satanic Bible – presumably the one readily available and written by Anton LaVey? – I actually own the book, cant remember it saying how to do that, although its a long time since I read it. And did I hear that the ‘protection’ used while this invocation was performed was a circle of salt? Just in case the Devil hates salt? Surely the Devil is pure evil, wouldnt think a little salt would bother him..

2. Performing ‘Voodoo’ rituals using a poppet or likeness into which pins were inserted to cause pain to, in this case, the teams “medium”. Im told the medium actually had to be told where the pins were being inserted too, which is a bit disconcerting as I would have expected any medium who was worth his special most haunted devil repelling salt to have somehow ‘Known’ (said in a spooky voice) one way or another..

3. Performing Seances. Seances arent actually used as part of serious paranormal research, neither are tabletilting, ouija boards, mediums.. in fact any means of gaining information that doesnt have at least some scientific or logical evidence to back it up. This kind of Victorian pastime is usually used by people who are hoping to provide entertainment to the masses.

4. Exorcism. Im still looking into the actual ins and outs of this one. An exorcism is a religious rite which can only be performed by an ordained and trained priest. The rite must be sanctioned by the bishop of the diocese, and is only ever used as a last resort, and is considered a placebo. The person performing the exorcism must have exhausted all other ways – medical, psychological, environmental etc – to resolve the problems being experienced.

However..

Recent research and experimentation by UPIA has revealed that there are ways and means one can implicate to become regarded as an exorcist, and if one was so inclined possibly make some cash out of it – which is quite disturbing.

All in all, the whole thing seems to have proved to be a shambles from start to finish. Local councils are up in arms.. traders in fear of their livelyhood.. disgruntled residents horrified – not to mention the horrendous way the patients and families have been portrayed and the ancient beliefs and religions of many people made a mockery of – all this AND shown at such a time and glorified in such ways to actively encourage people – particularly the young and unstable – to go wandering around derilict buildings recreating this drivel! I say the young and unstable because to be frank you’d have to be to believe it in the first place.

Personally, If I were involved with Most Haunted I’d give up the Ghost, so to speak. At the very least public apologies should be made for their irresponsible attitude, their insensitivity, their wrongful portrayal of investigative procedure and religious ritual. Not to mention for the damage they are doing to the field of paranormal investigation as a whole. This is without the obvious mention of the fact that from now on, a warning should be broadcast throughout the programme, informing viewers that this programme should be viewed for what it really is – Entertainment Only, and pretty dire entertainment at that..

Still, I had a pretty good Hallowe’en, as a whole